Letter To My Unborn Self Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay

June is Immigrant Heritage Month and the month that holds World Refugee Day. From the moment they land in the United States, many immigrant parents and children reverse roles. Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay’s parents did the impossible. They made sacrifices and uprooted their lives so they could cement themselves as American citizens for the future of their families. In Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay's poem “Letter To My Unborn Self”, translating for her parents has its hardships and surprises. However, as a reader you feel like translating is a way for the writer to honor their sacrifices.

Welcome to Sunday Morning Lyricality, featuring a weekly song or poem by a Minnesota writer.

Our last poem of the month is from our guest editor: Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay

June is Immigrant Heritage Month and the month that holds World Refugee Day. Let’s think about the millions of immigrant parents, who endured challenging jobs, sleepless nights and an uncertain future so that their children could pursue the promise of America. Each generation has a different immigration experience, but one thing they have in common is sacrifice. Here is our last poet and poem for June: Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay and her poem “Letter To My Unborn Self”.

Kelly Travis

Letter To My Unborn Self
Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay

Your mother will slap you because out of frustration you’ll yell, “Why can’t you just learn
English?” 

So what. 

You’re supposed to act as a translator at the welfare office. 
At the grocery stores. 
At your parent-teacher conferences. 

This is why they’ll raise you multi-lingual in this strange country. 

On the fourteenth year of your life, 
you’ll be blindsided by the fact that you had a second brother. 

Don’t blame yourself for not knowing. 
Blame pain and guilt for taking residence in the hearts of your parents the night their second son
died in the hospital. 
Blame their need to forget and their reluctance to heal, 
to even tell you his name. 

Be thankful that they didn’t give up on having more children after him because then you wouldn’t
be born. 

Remember to bring a box of tissues with you when you go to pick up your mother at the
Christmas wreath factory. 

Don’t be disgusted when she cups your face with her dusty sap-dried hands, then kisses you.
Fall asleep on the ride home, your head on her lap, and dream of a better life for her. 

When you’re five years old, your uncle’s friend Tom will hurt you, 
coercing his grown man tongue into your mouth when no one is looking. 
Tell your uncle so he will beat the shit out of Tom. 

Don’t blame yourself. 

Don’t blame your uncle. 

Finish the weekend work your third grade teacher sends you home with and go to bed early on
Friday nights so that you can wake up two hours before dawn. 

Don’t wear your good clothes. 

It’s only the cucumber fields. 
Try to daydream about Saturday morning cartoons 
as you move down the rows, dragging your white bucket behind you. 

Only pick the ones as big as your hand or your parents won’t get paid. 

Don’t grow up resenting your mother for choosing to stay home to raise you and your brother,
over taking ESL lessons at the neighborhood church. 

Kiss her 
every morning 
before you get on your school bus, 
know that you are lucky enough to have someone else daydream of a better life for you. 

Kiss her, 
so that she knows its worth it 
for her to work the hours that she works at the Thai restaurant, 

just 
so 
you 
can 
be. 
More. 
American. 

About Saymoukda: Saymoukda Duangphouxay Vongsay is a Lao writer. CNN’s “United Shades of America” host W. Kamau Bell called her work “revolutionary.” Governor Mark Dayton recognized her with a “Lao Artists Heritage Month” Proclamation. She’s a recipient of a Sally Award for Initiative from the Ordway Center for Performing Arts which “recognizes bold new steps and strategic leadership undertaken by an individual…in creating projects or artistic programs never before seen in Minnesota that will have a significant impact on strengthening Minnesota’s artistic/cultural community.” She’s the author of the children’s book WHEN EVERYTHING WAS EVERYTHING and is best known for her award-winning play KUNG FU ZOMBIES VS CANNIBALS. Her work has been presented by the Smithsonian Asian Pacific American Center (NY), Theater Mu (MN), Lower Depth Theater (LA), Asian Improv Arts (IL), and elsewhere. Other awards include grants/fellowships from the John S. and James L. Knight Foundation, Jerome Foundation, Bush Foundation, Andy Warhol Foundation, MAP Fund, Playwrights’ Center, Forecast Public Art, MRAC, MSAB, and others. Saymoukda is currently an Andrew W. Mellon Foundation Playwright in Residence at Theater Mu, a McKnight Foundation Fellow in Community-Engaged Practice Art, and a Jerome Hill Artist Fellow in playwriting. She has served on Governor Walz’s State Poet Laureate design & selection committee, co-hosted a podcast on Minnesota Public Radio, and is currently serving on the City of Saint Paul Cultural STAR Board. You can get to know her at www.refugenius.net and @refugenius on Instagram.

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